Smoking

I loved smoking. I loved taking time to think things through, or to gossip with fellow smokers. I made friends easily as a smoker. There was always something to talk about, the cold, the customer, the band, the service.

Now I don't know what to do, at least at the beginning I was hungry, I filled all my waking hours either eating or thinking about eating. Now it's been long enough that I'm not hungry anymore. I just miss smoking. I don't even want a cigarette I just want all that went along with it. The sense of calm, the joking around and the feeling I knew what to do. I don't hang out with anyone on breaks cause I don't take breaks in the same way. No one told me quitting smoking would be lonely.

I think I'm glad that I quit smoking, I felt really good on a recent hike, I've saved about $200 by not smoking and really it's a good thing. I'm just still trying to quit and that means I've got to put up with fucked up emotions, being unsure and a sense of loss. My body and mind are not yet over the cigarettes.

I really did love smoking.